Day 2

Found still more MBSSians in TARC. Had to get rid of them too before cover is blown. That huge longkang is really getting too tight. Thanks to the heavy rains this season, they can be easily washed down. Soon, they'll be taking a dip in the Malaccan Straits. Even with my Vulcan Mind Pinch techniques, these MBSSians are popping up faster than baby rabbits when papa rabbit and mama rabbit are getting it on at home.

Met an acquaintance from CBN. I don't think she needs to disappear yet because she seems to believe my story. Also met another troller from Kota Kinabalu. He told everyone he was sixteen. He's actually nineteen...or at least that's what he tells me. The force is strong within this one.

Society Day was kinda boring. The Debate Club seems to be a fledgling society. I'll have to take a look at my timetable before deciding which society to dominate first.

DAY 1

I have successfully infiltrated the TARCian community posing as a British-Chinese. My cover story: My dad is an ambassador from Britain to Malaysia and got married to a Malaysian Chinese. They ate it up and asked for more. Sustaining a Cockney accent for 5 hours straight isn't easy; I'll have to practice some more.

Unfortunately, my cover was almost blown when I realized that an ex-classmate from MBSSKL had followed me to TARC. He's also in Accounting but I took steps to ensure his silence. Dead men tell no tales.

So far, nothing interesting to report, but I'm sure that those people speaking on stage are part of the Global Boredom Conspiracy Plan to murder all students slowly but surely through boredom. They nearly killed me today, but with expert use of my Samsung Galaxy Anti-Boredom Device, I managed to pull through it.

Within days, I plan to hook up with some of the more enlightened students to commence my mission, id est, to establish the TARCian Front Against Boredom (TARC FAB).

Wish me luck, folks.

Life Goes On, It Gets So Heavy

In about thirty-eight hours, I shall be commencing my College Life, words which must begin with uppercase letters. They hold all the hopes and dreams for the next four years of a bespectacled, nerdy Chinese boy, sorely out of place in this world. It is very likely that said hopes and dreams will simply crash and burn. I'm not being pessimistic (I'm never pessimistic), I'm being realistic. Someone I love once told me that her dreams were to excel in her studies; I suppose I'll have to echo her here and more besides. I don't want to find anyone special. I don't want to make many friends. In my humble opinion, I have as many friends as I could possibly want and as many as I could possibly retain. I just want to get this over with.

Moral Review: Anna Karenina

Having won the 2013 TV Connect Industry Awards Best Live Online TV Service or Solution, HyppTV, the TV Service provided by UniFi has given away 10 Video on Demand movies to all their customers from the 18th till the 24th of April. Being, after all, raised as a Chinese by Chinese, it is impossible to resist taking advantage of this freebie. Accordingly, we chose to watch the 2012 Anna Karenina film, directed by Joe Wright and adapted by Tom Stoppard from Leo Tolstoy's 1877 novel.

Similar to other movie reviews, this post will most definitely have SPOILERS!! Fair warning given.

I'd rather not write a lot about the plot here, so if you are dying to know the synopsis, go read it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Karenina_(2012_film)

or read about other more mundane details of the film here:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781769/?ref_=sr_1

But let me proceed to the actual review. Leo Tolstoy, being Leo Tolstoy, cannot stop at writing something that is only full of thrilling adventure, but, like Charles Dickens, must have some moral debate in his story.

In the case of Anna Karenina, the moral debate surfaces when she starts an affair with a young, dashing cavalry officer named Count Alexi Vronsky. Although married to Alexei Karenin, who is about 20 years older than her, Anna is unhappy with the marriage due to the fact that Karenin is a workaholic and seems to be a cold and distant person. The question then is this: Is adultery necessarily evil? In this case, can it be right, seeing as there is no love between Anna and Karenin, especially since the love between Anna and Vronsky is a pure love?

Eventually, Anna leaves Karenin, while both parties refuse to get a divorce due to various reasons such as child custody (yes, Anna and Karenin has a son named Seryozha) (Anna will lose custody of Seryozha if she is divorced), and lives with Vronsky. This leads to her being ostracized by society. This then becomes another question: What is the role of society in the life of the individual? Is society meant to lend boundaries to individuals or are individuals the ones who shape society? If an individual, such as Anna, wishes to do something out of the norm, does society have any say in it? These are all thought-provoking questions that may one day urge me to write further.

At the same time, Leo Tolstoy also has a subplot within the novel wherein a wealthy land-owner named Konstatin Dimitrivich Levin proposes to, but is refused by, a girl named Katerina "Kitty" Alexandrovna Shcherbatsky, who, at the time, was being wooed by Vronsky, whom she would rather marry. Obviously, Vronsky drops Kitty in favour of Anna, leaving Kitty heartbroken. After some time, Levin decides to propose to Kitty once again, and this time they get married. It's a happily-ever-after affair. However, the story on this end develops even more. Kitty was previously somewhat of a spoilt child, for want of a better phrase, and when Levin bring her back to his country home, he realizes that she might be disgusted by the other inhabitants, id est, Levin's dying alcoholic brother and his wife, who was formerly a prostitute (at the time, high society would not associate themselves with such people; such things are just not done in Pre-Soviet Russia). To Levin's everlasting surprise, Kitty accepts everything and even begins to take care of Levin's brother...and all this just when we thought the story simply couldn't get more touching.

But this does show us some parallels between the Anna-Karenin couple and the Levin-Kitty couple. The unhappy marriage between Anna and Karenin may be due to the fact that it was possibly a marriage fueled by political ambitions and not love while the love between Levin and Kitty prompts them to sacrifice something or other for one another. However, while love seems to be the main idea in this novel, it seems that the problem lies with society. Once again, without society to dictate the norm, Kitty can cast away former illusions of nobility and can associate with people deemed to be several classes below her.

The end idea is this: Are we to allow society to dictate our actions and thoughts? Is there to be no individuality? Recently, there was the brouhaha which precipitated over the Alvin and Vivian sexblog. In essence, it's the same idea. Why should there be such a boundary which disallows individuals to express themselves especially when there isn't a tangible harm that is caused? On another level, why do so many people wish to impose their own morals on others?

Morals should be on an individual basis. If you have morals, keep them. If you have principles, keep them. But, for the love of 9gags, don't try to be holier-than-thou and impose your morals on the people around you.

P.S. I do enjoy using the word 'brouhaha'. It's amusing.

P.P.S. Immediately after posting this article, I continued reading Heinlein's novel, Stranger In A Strange Land (it's a wonderful book, by the way. You should read it some time.) and I found some dialogue there that was exactly what I'm trying to say.

I quote:

"Please, Jubal. He's got to learn how to behave. I'm trying so hard to train him."

"Hmmph! You're trying to force on him your own narrow-minded, middle class, Blible Belt morality. Don't think I haven't been watching."

"I have not! I haven't concerned myself with his morals; I've simply been teaching him necessary customs."

"Customs, morals - is there a difference? Woman, do you realize what you are doing? Here, by the grace of God and an inside straight, we have a personality untouched by the psychotic taboos of our tribe, - and you want to turn him into a carbon copy of every fourth-rate conformist in this frightened land! Why don't you go whole hog? Get him a brief case and make him carry it wherever he goes - make him feel shame if he doesn't have it."

"I'm not doing anything of the sort! I'm just trying to keep him out of trouble. It's for his own good."

Jubal snorted. "That's the excuse they gave the tomcat just before his operation."


Thought-provoking, no?

My Brand of Love (Cont.)

After a day of further thought and the ordering thereof, I have decided to add five more premises to my earlier thesis.

Premise 4: Love is selfless.

Love requires commitment and sacrifice especially on your part. Personally, I have only one thing to say about this: I can give up anything that stands in the way of my relationship but I will not demand the same thing of another. This is the selflessness I demand of myself, but not from anyone else.

Premise 5: Love is blind.

Forgive and forget. Frankly, just do it. If you cannot forgive your partner right now, you won't be able to live with him/her for the rest of your life. Are you dead? No? Then it doesn't matter. If what she did didn't kill you, it's alright. If what she did killed you, it wouldn't matter anyway and besides, she already wouldn't be able to forgive herself. Why add to her burden? Your objective here is to love her and make her feel cared for.

Premise 6: Love is fresh.

Also known as love is a many-splendored thing. Wake up everyday thinking of how to treat your partner better. Be innovative in love. Go to bed wondering if you made her feel bad anytime today and how to avoid it the next time. Love should be a fresh and delectable dish. Caesar's salad, if you will.

Premise 7: Love must achieve happiness.

All's well that end's well. If you don't feel happy, drop the relationship. A relationship without happiness is not a joy but a bondage. If you do feel happy, make sure that your partner is happy too. Happiness must be shared, bringing the relationship closer and closer as time goes by.

Having said that, however...

Premise 8: Love is a journey.

Enjoy yourself on this journey. If you're only looking at your girlfriend with the sole intention to make her your wife, readjust your priorities. If you don't, you're going to wake up on the morning after your marriage and not love her the same way anymore. This is an extremely common happening, leading to all those jokes about how partners treat each other differently after the marriage, wherein the guy no longer holds the door open for the girl, and wherein the girl often grouse at the guy. If you don't enjoy the journey, you're bound to not enjoy the end.

My Brand of Love

(Author's Note: Even though I told my machi that I'll be sleeping now, I have revised that decision into the start of this post because I also told her that I wouldn't procrastinate. After a little thought and a exclaimation of “Ah, what the hell,” which shocked my mother, I have decided to dedicate this post to her since she has been a motivation without whom this post might never have been written. Also, her birthday is approaching this Saturday and I wish to present at least this sorry excuse for a birthday gift. May this give her some conception of love.)

Premise 1: Love is a choice.

It isn't just an emotion, where your heart beats fast and your palms get sweaty and you try not to make yourself look stupid in front of the person you like. That's not love. In fact, as the relationship progresses, you'll notice that all these symptoms can no longer be found. Love has nothing to do with any of these. Love is a choice. When you love someone, you have to make a conscious decision to actually care for the person. With most people, this comes as a longing to protect the objects of their love as a subconscious choice. But this choice should be a fully conscious one if it is to last. The problem with subconscious choices are that they do not hold much priority in the minds of people. As soon as there is something else to take front stage, the “love” often ends up neglected. To avoid this, love ought to be a conscious choice holding great priority in the decision making calculus.

Premise 2: Love has three facets: Head, Heart and Hands.

There are three different ways to care for the person you love. Firstly, by thinking. There must always be a calculated cost to every action and the person you love is always a stakeholder in anything you do. Ask several questions whenever you have to make a tough decision between your loved one and something else. “Will my partner be hurt?” “Does my partner approve of it?” “Can I afford to lose my partner as a cost of this decision?” This will enable you to appropriately priorities your longings.

The second facet is the heart. Love must always be a product of the heart. There must be an eternal and ever-present desire to care for the object of your love. Never shirk from putting your own life in danger for the protection of the one you love. Whenever people say that their love has grown cold, it is actually a symptom of not loving with their hearts. They have stopped caring for their partner and therefore stopped loving.

The third facet is the hands. Every single day should produce an action that shows your care for your partner. Always remind yourself that you could lose your partner in the blink of an eye. The song, “If Tomorrow Never Comes” captures this idea expressively. If tomorrow never comes will she actually know how much you love him/her through your actions?

Premise 3: Falling in love has nothing to do with love.

When a person says, “I fell in love with her,” it bodes no good. Falling in love is known as infatuation and is simply your emotions welling up without any formal attachment. This is pointless and actually quite useless, as all crushes are. They fade away after some period of time especially if the object of the infatuation is not present. Infatuations are dangerous and can cause unwarranted longing for something that will backfire shortly especially since they are created by either a physical aspect or a characteristic of the object of the infatuation. If a marriage is predicated on this, it will end quickly and violently in a divorce leaving both parties wondering cliches like, “where did the love go?” when in fact there was no love to begin with, just your sexual drive talking.

1st UNITEN Debate Open 2013

At a glance, the only thing I can say is this: "It was definitely a good run."

With especial mention of my teammates, Laaviny and Levinthran, I enjoyed the company of the entire Yo Mama clique. We went out there and we owned. We showed the world how it was supposed to be done. And although I didn't walk away with any medals or trophies, I walked away with somethings much better than those. I walked away with experience. I walked away with new found friends. I walked away with new machis. I walked away knowing that there are some more people out there who cares for me and whom I can care for.

This is the reason for debate: To come together and, with stimulated minds, to have discourse. What better people to have discourse with than with friends? In another angle, what better to do with people who understands you than to befriend them?

On a more tangible note, my team, known as Yo Mama So Fat, made it all the way to the Quarterfinals. It is one of my achievements I can proudly claim. I also found a new ability: The ability to incorporate humour in my speeches, something that I have lacked since the beginning and something that I believe will help me in future.

That's it, folks!

Self-pity

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

~David Herbert Lawrence~

Self-pity is dangerous. I have been through so many problems worried, distressed and broken until I came across this poem. One should never feel sorry for oneself. Whatever happens simply happens. Just face it. Even if you die while facing that problem, don't ever feel sorry for yourself.

Just do it.

Dead Friendship

Time passes so fast and changes so much,
I knew you before, now I know you no more.
From crawling to walking to using a crutch,
From baby to soldier to jester to bore.

Dim and dark is the path of the ailing,
The only end to that road is the bier.
Friendship is good when the ship is smooth-sailing,
Friendship is better when rough seas are here.

Long it seems at the start of the tale,
All friends swear loyalty, love and cheer.
Soon after, the trail becomes only pale.
Before long, the end of the story is near.

Angels in heaven look down while weeping,
Demons abound where friendships lie dead.
Hearts that were heated now are sleeping,
Apathy is the name of their ice-cold bed.

Highlights This Month

April 11, Thursday

There's going to be a piano recital in my church, Kuala Lumpur Baptist Church. I'm greatly interested except for the fact that it's going to be quite a pain in the neck considering the events of the following weekend.


April 12, Friday, through April 14, Sunday

Debate competition in UNITEN. I just found out that I will be placed in a team not of my own choosing. I'll be matched with Shaun and a girl I don't know from Catholic High. Just my luck. Apparently, she's Han Jien's crush...oh, this will be fun.


April 29, Monday

College term starts. This, too, will be fun.


April 30, Tuesday

Parliament will be automatically dissolved. Ho ho ho...so much fun.

Until Later, People.

Old Flames Have Died

Of all the accursed things that could have happened today, came the least expected one. It was only a moment ago, having just watched a random episode of some random Korean drama, when my phone started to vibrate. I picked it up and noted the caller as well as the fact that I had several new messages. I sincerely wanted to read the messages first, not because I was expected any important ones, nor was it because I had a stable line of communication at the moment with any of my targets. It was rather because I really did not want to talk to whoever it was who was calling me.

I took a deep breath and hardened my heart and....MUAHAHAHA...the call ended!!
I rejoiced and my heart leaped for joy.
Then she called again...
Sigh...

What was said in the conversation does not matter, but I can now reassess my feelings. I suppose it might not prove to be a bad thing in the long run, but I really didn't want to speak to her at all. I've buried everything...everything. I've buried the memories, the connections, the messages, the now meaningless words. I've even buried the hatchet, so to speak.
And I've buried them for good.

Now, when I play the songs I used to play for her, I no longer think of her.
Now, when I sing the songs I used to sing to her, I no longer dream of her.
Now, when I think about the past, I no longer dwell on the memories of her.

To me, she is truly dead and gone.
And for me, this so-called Summer, it is a new beginning.
In my heart, it is Spring, for I feel that I am ready to love again.

Wish me all the luck I can get, boys, I'll need it.
Until next time...