My Brand of Love

(Author's Note: Even though I told my machi that I'll be sleeping now, I have revised that decision into the start of this post because I also told her that I wouldn't procrastinate. After a little thought and a exclaimation of “Ah, what the hell,” which shocked my mother, I have decided to dedicate this post to her since she has been a motivation without whom this post might never have been written. Also, her birthday is approaching this Saturday and I wish to present at least this sorry excuse for a birthday gift. May this give her some conception of love.)

Premise 1: Love is a choice.

It isn't just an emotion, where your heart beats fast and your palms get sweaty and you try not to make yourself look stupid in front of the person you like. That's not love. In fact, as the relationship progresses, you'll notice that all these symptoms can no longer be found. Love has nothing to do with any of these. Love is a choice. When you love someone, you have to make a conscious decision to actually care for the person. With most people, this comes as a longing to protect the objects of their love as a subconscious choice. But this choice should be a fully conscious one if it is to last. The problem with subconscious choices are that they do not hold much priority in the minds of people. As soon as there is something else to take front stage, the “love” often ends up neglected. To avoid this, love ought to be a conscious choice holding great priority in the decision making calculus.

Premise 2: Love has three facets: Head, Heart and Hands.

There are three different ways to care for the person you love. Firstly, by thinking. There must always be a calculated cost to every action and the person you love is always a stakeholder in anything you do. Ask several questions whenever you have to make a tough decision between your loved one and something else. “Will my partner be hurt?” “Does my partner approve of it?” “Can I afford to lose my partner as a cost of this decision?” This will enable you to appropriately priorities your longings.

The second facet is the heart. Love must always be a product of the heart. There must be an eternal and ever-present desire to care for the object of your love. Never shirk from putting your own life in danger for the protection of the one you love. Whenever people say that their love has grown cold, it is actually a symptom of not loving with their hearts. They have stopped caring for their partner and therefore stopped loving.

The third facet is the hands. Every single day should produce an action that shows your care for your partner. Always remind yourself that you could lose your partner in the blink of an eye. The song, “If Tomorrow Never Comes” captures this idea expressively. If tomorrow never comes will she actually know how much you love him/her through your actions?

Premise 3: Falling in love has nothing to do with love.

When a person says, “I fell in love with her,” it bodes no good. Falling in love is known as infatuation and is simply your emotions welling up without any formal attachment. This is pointless and actually quite useless, as all crushes are. They fade away after some period of time especially if the object of the infatuation is not present. Infatuations are dangerous and can cause unwarranted longing for something that will backfire shortly especially since they are created by either a physical aspect or a characteristic of the object of the infatuation. If a marriage is predicated on this, it will end quickly and violently in a divorce leaving both parties wondering cliches like, “where did the love go?” when in fact there was no love to begin with, just your sexual drive talking.